Jessica Woolard
WHERE IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE EVER BEEN FROM HOME?
San Francisco, I guess. But that used to be a lot closer to home than Louisville. Too cool!
[laughs] HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN ANY GOOD ADVICE THAT YOU REMEMBER FROM TIME TO TIME?
Yeah. When I was younger I was in the Smokies hiking. We came across a sickly looking fellow and decided that it was a good idea to talk with him for a few hours. [laughter] He told us that he had AIDS from a blood transfusion after getting stabbed. Getting stabbed is something that you expect when you fly a plane full of drugs. Getting AIDS is something you expect when you had a blood transfusion in the 80's. So he seemed okay with everything. Instead of inching away, we proceeded to listen to everything he had to say. His main point that he stressed was, "Live life with no regrets". I paid attention. I even wrote a shitty personal narrative about it for my "portfolio" in high school. From time to time people will try to give me the same advice. Except they don't have AIDS, or any credibility. I want to tell these people "too little too late." Instead I pretend to listen and be impressed. [laughter] Sometimes I do a really believable nod, as if what they just told me is really profound and it's going to change my life. People are retarded.
[laughs] HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU MURDERED?
Zero!
WHERE ARE THE BODIES BURIED?
Nowhere. I ate them.
IS YOUR SKIN PALE OR DARK?
Depends on the season. Fall through winter I look sickly. Spring I look healthy. And summer time is Mexican time.
HOW CAN YOU BE GOTH IF YOU'RE SO CUTE?
I don't think Kynt or Vyxsin would approve of anyone calling me goth.
ARE YOU INTERESTED IN COWBOYS?
Like Garth Brooks? No, not so much. But as far as the other ones go, I am pretty indifferent. I guess the novelty is fun.
TELL ME ABOUT THE PROGRESS OF YOUR DRINKING CHOICES OVER THE YEARS.
It's been up and down. Some might compare it to a roller coaster. I wouldn't, mainly because I don't think roller coasters are that much fun. Drinking is a lot of fun. I've been a diehard drinking fan since the mid 90's. It started out with whatever could get me drunk. Then onto cheap beer. Then good beer. I've been with my current lover, vodka, for a few years now. [laughter] Vodka and I had an abusive relationship when I was 14. I had to get out. But a friend reacquainted us in the winter of 2004, and we've been inseparable since. Sure, it's not as passionate as it used to be, but at the end of the day, I know that vodka is the only one for me.
[laughs] IF YOU HAD A DAUGHTER WHO TURNED OUT TO BE EXACTLY LIKE YOU, WOULD YOU BE PROUD OF HER?
She will turn out exactly like me. And if she doesn't... That's what dumpsters are for.
[laughter] WOULD YOU DISCIPLINE YOUR CHILD MORE OR LESS THAN YOU WERE DISCIPLINED BY YOUR PARENTS?
I like to think that they did a great job. And then I remember that I have a worthless degree and an STD that's not going anywhere anytime soon. [much laughter] Jokes! Not really... Does that answer your question?
YEAH. TELL ME ABOUT YOUR FIRST BOYFRIEND.
We lost our virginity to each other.
WOW.
Then we dated, then he dumps me on New Year's when I'm drunk off Bud Ice. [laughter] Then he makes out with a girl that looks like a horse two hours later. [laughter] Then we continue to sleep together for the next 3 years...
JESUS.
Then one of my best friends starts fucking him at some point in there, and he lies about it. Then I meet new fun people that I know now. The end. He's not a bad guy, just a jerk. He really screwed that whole trust thing up for me. I feel bad for anyone that wants to try a relationship with me. It doesn't work.
REALLY? YOUR EXPERIENCES WITH YOUR FIRST BOYFRIEND IRREPARABLY DAMAGED YOUR ABILITY TO TRUST PEOPLE?
Oh, it can be repaired. And one day it will, but right now, the kind of people I tend to be attracted to are not very trustworthy as it is, so my first boyfriend just added to that.
Work with K Composite
Part-time design project
K Composite 14
Issues 6 to 12
The printed versions of K Composite Magazine Issues 6 to 12 are available as a paperback book. 43 interviews in 198 pages!
